Bike Jokes Thread.

Beeping-Sleauty

Esteemed Pedelecer
Dec 12, 2006
410
5
Colchester, Essex
howza'bout we end the Sunday on a upbeat note, with a few jokes, on-subject of course....

i'll kick it off:

"Juan comes up to the Mexican border on his bicycle. He's got two large bags over his shoulders. The guard stops him and says, "What's in the bags?" "Sand," answered Juan. The guard says, "We'll just see about that..... get off the bike." The guard takes the bags and rips them apart; he empties them out and finds nothing in them but sand. He detains Juan overnight and has the sand analysed, only to discover that there is nothing but pure sand in the bags.

The guard releases Juan, puts the sand into new bags, hefts them onto the man's shoulders, and lets him cross the border. A week later, the same thing happens. The guard asks, "What have you got?" "Sand," says Juan. The guard does his thorough examination and discovers that the bags contain nothing but sand. He gives the sand back to Juan, and Juan crosses the border on his bicycle.

This sequence of events is repeated every day for three years. Finally, Juan doesn't show up one day and the guard meets him in a Cantina on the Mexican side of the border. "Hey, Buddy," says the guard, "I know you are smuggling something. It's driving me crazy. It's all I think about..... I can't sleep. Just between you and me, what are you smuggling?" Juan sips his beer and says, "Bicycles"
 
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oldosc

Pedelecer
May 12, 2008
207
10
A man buys a AGGATU on ebay for £30 sues seller because it had scratch. Wins case because of description of goods act...20,000 wisper owners applaud verdict.
 

Beeping-Sleauty

Esteemed Pedelecer
Dec 12, 2006
410
5
Colchester, Essex
more pigs...

I was speeding down a narrow, twisting, mountain road. The woman was driving very slowly uphill, honking her horn and shouting at me: "PIG! PIG!!". I flipped her the finger and shouted back "BITCH! COW!!". Then I collided with the pig!
 

keithhazel

Esteemed Pedelecer
Oct 1, 2007
997
0

A young man married a beautiful woman who had previously divorced 10 husbands.

On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle; I'm still a
virgin".

"What?" said the puzzled groom. "How can that be if you've
been married ten times.?"

"Well, husband #1 was
a Sales Representative.
He kept telling me how great it was going to be.


"Husband # 2 was in Software Services. He was never really sure how it was suppose to function; but he said he'd look into it and get back to me.


"Husband # 3 was from Field Services. He said that everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up.


"Husband #4 was in
Telemarketing. Even
though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver.


"Husband # 5 was an Engineer. He understood the basic process but he wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state of the-art method.


"Husband #6 was from Administration.
He thought he knew how but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.


"Husband # 7 was in
Marketing. Although he had a product, he was never sure how to position it.


"Husband # 8 was a Psychiatrist. All he did was talk about it.


"Husband # 9 was a
Gynecologist. All he did was look at it.


"Husband # 10 was a Stamp Collector. All he ever did was.......God I miss him.

"But now that I've married you, I'm so
excited."

"Wonderful," said the husband. "But why?

Said the wife: "You're with the GOVERNMENT..

This time I KNOW I'M gonna get SCREWED."
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isnt this a "bike" joke thread ?...................
 

oldosc

Pedelecer
May 12, 2008
207
10
it's daveinnit
being questioned by daved-powes constabulatery as to why at age 15 he has been cited in five devorce actions, and seven underage pregnant cases throughount the county
said" i gotta bike aint i"
 

keithhazel

Esteemed Pedelecer
Oct 1, 2007
997
0
I've really had it with my dog," said the first guy to his neighbor. "He'll chase anyone on a bicycle"

"Hmmm, that is a problem," said the neighbor. "What are you thinking of doing about it?"

"Guess the only answer is to confiscate his bike!"
 

aaannndddyyy

Esteemed Pedelecer
Jun 7, 2007
304
9
62
Norwich Norfolk
You Might Be A Bike Weenie If...

You empathize with the roadkill.

Despite all that winter weight you put on, you'll skim weight by buying titanium components

Your bikes are worth more than your car.

You put your bike in your car and the value of the total package increases by a factor of 4 (or better).

You buy a mini-van and immediately remove the rear seats to allow your bike(s) to fit.

When you move to a new area the first thing you look for is a bike shop.

You view crashes as an opportunity to upgrade components.

Your New Years resolution is to put more miles on your bike than your car, and you do it.

You know your cadence, but you have no idea what your speed is.
 

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