eBoy

Instruction booklets that begin along the lines of, "Congratulations on your purchase of the Whizzocycle. With care it will give you years of trouble-free e-biking pleasure." And that bloke on the Skittles advert milking a giraffe and then laughing out loud. What's it all about? It does my fruit in somehow. Puts me off Skittles!

Apparently aircraft designers have rolled out a high-tensile rubber fuselage now to obviate the effects of metal fatigue stress on landing. The first prototype will be a Boing 747.

Hi! I have had a Pro Rider eWayfarer folding bike for around five years, and it's given no trouble at all. Amazingly I am still on the original (Phylion!) battery. Mind you, I have used it mostly on one dot of power whilst pedalling and have taken care never to 'jolt' the battery when starting: I always pedal away and let the battery cut in. And I always keep it charged properly. As it's an oldish bike, it has a full 15mph throttle. I quite like the styling of the bike too - I think it will be a future classic! LOL! I did get some punctures early on, so replaced tyres with ASDA £12 Kevlar tyres and slime inner tubes - and not had a puncture for years! Throttle Jockey Johnny

I love messing with meths! Great fun for camping! I also had a tiny Optimus stove for years. I put it on eBay, expecting around a tenner, but the bidding went up to 80 quid, with bids from abroad too! Nice surprise, maybe they are collectable! Johnny

I reckon he'll be whooping it up in Monaco or the Bahamas by now!

If you clamped on a vertical mop-stale and crosspiece wooden handlebar, would you not have a segway-style vehicle? I reckon I could handle that! CHRISTMAS JOKETIME! Aren't ALL cars people carriers? LOL! ROLF! TEE HEE!

When my old grandad died recently, he left me his effects. I got a wah-wah pedal and a smoke machine! LOL! ROLF!

Gawd, that is a gadget and a half! I hope it takes off. I wants one! Is it a pleasant ride, ocb? Johnny

Last weekend I attended a Roger Moore James Bond convention, but I went as Sean Connery. There were a few raised eyebrows, I can tell you!

Yes, I think Roy Cropper would be good as an eco e-biker, with his shopping bag hanging from the handlebars!

A farmer counted the sheep in his field and found he had 199. But when he rounded them up, he had 200. LOL!

Fantastic worK, Ekerslike! I'll send my ex-Miss Great Britain chauffeuse along to the towbar cenTre immediatement! Lol! A few years back I was talking to an old mechanic. He said he only ever seen one Roller with a towbar and it was George Formby's, to carry his scrambler bikes! Johnny

That Smart bike looks very designer to me. Anyone got one? LOL!

Hi, Throttle Jockeys - and Sensor Jockeys too! Sometimes you come across a good website worth sharing. Like these: gokartdaddy.com Remember making little wooden karties out of pram wheels and a plank? Well, as well as offering plans and kits, this website sells wheels and axles which also look great for making custom bike trailers! reelstreets.com This website must have taken a phenomenal amount of work. You can look up virtually any old film and click on it for location photo stills. And if you hover the mouse over some of them, you can see how the location looks today. Brill! Anyone got any other good websites? Johnny

Crikey! That Predator seat freaks me out. I reckon it would even deter bike thieves!

Yes,s, Lancs Lass, I never look forward topumping tyres. It's so hit and miss. I must have a lookata trackpump. maybe they screw onto the valve rather than the pesky push-on fit! Johnny

LOL! My old gran rang me up and said, "Guess what! I've been taken into hospital and I'm in bed with Morrissey!" I replied, "I'm sorry, Gran, but I think you'll find that's MRSA!"

My old gran refused surgery at the local hospital because she saw a sign in the car-park saying 'Thieves operate in this area!'

Funny to think that I've been riding bikes for decades and never gave much of a thought to tyre pressures. I just pumped up the tyres till they felt hard when pressed with a thumb. But now, of course, I've discovered that those few extra psi's make all the difference to the ride. When newly pumped up, I hardly need the motor assistance anymore! One pesky thing, though: when wiggling the foot-pump off the tyre valve, I seem to lose quite a lot of air out, then have to do it again! LOL! Johnny

Yes, I kind of miss Smarty too. I don't think he was such a bad lad - just a wind-up merchant, and funny with it! Maybe I could fill in for him temporarily by telling you all about my top-model girlfriend who's been away all weekend, due to filming commitments; then there's my designer Chinese folder to discuss, and also my 40-knot narrowboat 'Babe Magnet', powered by a Merlin engine that Grandad brought back from the war. Incidentally, does anyone know where I can get a tow-bar for a Bentley Continental? Johnny

An e-biker sets off for work, but it's cold, so he puts his jacket on back to front in order to cheat the wind. He only gets a hundred yards down the road before riding into a big hole being dug by roadmen. His wife runs up, crying, "My poor husband - is he alright?" And one of the roadmen replies, "Well, he seemed okay, missus, till we turned his head back round the right way!"

Tee hee! I won't say my wife's lazy, but she's just bought a smoke alarm with a snooze button!

Yes, I much prefer the idea of a cam-chain, Mr Ford. I've heard that Micra engines are good for 150,000 miles with regular oil-changes. My daughter's cambelt snapped, causing £1,000 worth of damage - and it was never the same afterwards. It was a low-mileage car, but she'd gone over the recommended 5-year change period. Johnny

Oh, Smart eBiker, you're a caution! I hope a man of your kidney doesn't demean yourself personally by carrying tools and spoiling the lines of your designer jacket or bike! I normally just borrow a£20 note from matron when I go out riding. If I get into a spot, I can then simply fold up the bike and hail a taxi to bring me back to the home. In your case, of course, you could pocket a spare grand and call a stretch-limo to get you and the Daimler back. Keep kool, dude! Johnny

Glad to see you're a fellow Microbe driver, chief! From your name I imagined you would be...a Ford aficionado! LOL! I've had my little Micra for fifteen years now, and it's never been a jot of trouble. Nearly as much fun as an e-bike! Johnny