OK, say back to the front axle nuts.
This was the way they were, the flange on the nut is 24mm and there is no way it will ever go inside the lips on the fork drop-outs, even after filing the drop outs to get the axle central.
As you can see in this picture the nut flange was only really tightening against the front of the lips, which simply harmlessly deformed the steel (like saneagle said it would).
That would probably work if you had the nuts tight enough, but I wasn't happy.
So I got the dremel out and cut back and reshaped the deformed lips a bit.
Next I got some M12x20mm washers. These are not easy to find, standard size is M12x24mm.
They don't sell them in Screwfix etc.
I got some from here:
So now the washers sit nicely inside the lips. and the pressure from tightening the nuts will be flat and even.
Next came the nuts, research showed that bike M12 nuts are different to standard M12 nuts. Standard have a coarse pitch of 1.75, bike nuts have a fine pitch of 1.25.
These are easily found by searching eBay for M12x1.25 nuts.
Incidentally, the new nuts need a 19mm spanner, not 18mm as on bike nuts.
So these are them fitted, with everything inside the drop-out lips and the ant-rotation washers nicely deep in the drop-outs.
I understand that the flanged nuts spread the load better, but I wasn't happy that they were not sitting flush. And these nuts are going to be tightened up very tight.